Holden Caulfield Pays Tribute to J.D. Salinger

Given the opportunity, I would have written a heartfelt homage to J.D. Salinger, as others have. But then I received the following and immediately thought, "This is how it should be done." This is a writer (I couldn't find the source) who responded to the call of duty with the best tool at our disposal: our imagination.

Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger

January 28, 2010

CORNISH, NH — In this big dramatic production that didn't do anyone any good (and was pretty embarrassing, really, if you think about it), thousands upon thousands of phonies across the country mourned the death of author J.D. Salinger, who was 91 years old for crying out loud. "He had a real impact on the literary world and on millions of readers," said hot-shot English professor David Clarke, who is just like the rest of them, and even works at one of those crumby schools that rich people send their kids to so they don't have to look at them for four years. "There will never be another voice like his." Which is exactly the lousy kind of goddamn thing that people say, because really it could mean lots of things, or nothing at all even, and it's just a perfect example of why you should never tell anybody anything.