Trillium Book Awards Author Reading 2015

Is That a Pizza in Your Pocket or Are You Just Glad to See Me?

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You've probably heard the story by now of the Winnipeg pizza parlour that delivers pornographic pictures with its pies. All undressed, no doubt. It's a mystery to me how anyone could be so desperate for a slice of action they'd order a porno pizza before taking matters into their own hands. Not a pretty picture. Don't even think about the mess… crumbs and cheese and salami, I mean.

I have some advice for the purveyors to the perverted: however understandably desperate you feel in Winnipeg, do not do this in Baghdad.

Zealous guardians of all that is moral and good in Baghdad – can't be much left, can there? – go in to Internet cafes and spy on young men as they get what few jollies are left in Iraq. If they espy someone watching a porn movie, the stern, bearded men with AK47s, wait until the son of Satan leaves the café, bundle him into a car, drive off and kill him. Sometimes, they'll show mercy and slice off a body part or two. Other times they've been known to torture the poor schmuk for days and then let him go with a warning.

The purveyors are not immune, either. According to Al-Jazeera, two brothers who owned one of the cafes were tortured and beheaded…diced and sliced, you might say, with toppings.

And just who are these noble defenders of purity of thought and action? They are described as "Islamic extremists." Wrong. The Koran forbids violence. These guys, like so many others thus described, are not Islamic. They are cold-blooded butchers, not Halal-style either. And Allah will not be pleased when next they meet.

So next time you order a pizza or surf the net, keep calm, be controlled, and above all, do not lose your head either in Winnipeg or Baghdad .

The views expressed in the Writer-in-Residence blogs are those held by the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of Open Book: Toronto.

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John Scully

John Scully has been a journalist for almost fifty years and has covered stories in seventy countries for major international news and current affairs organizations. His book, Am I Dead Yet? A Journalist's Perspective on Terrorism, was published in spring 2008 by Fitzhenry and Whiteside.

Go to John Scully’s Author Page